It's a funny thing about being a single parent, with no male figure in the home. I am challenged daily, even hard pressed to see who is stronger willed. My children or myself? I'm not quite sure myself and only time should be the judge of that.
In the deepening of my awareness as a human being largely due to my maturing age and experiences, I have come to find one never knows what is to come. For example - years ago I said things such as I would never do that thing only to find myself doing it. So there it goes as the aging process begins in parenting and see your firstborn grow into a young man or woman, you find yourself seeing grandchildren in the near future because after all he or she was only born yesterday.
I long for the days of whining about having to change diapers, waking up to breast and/or bottle feed or chase my toddler now that I have come to find the challenges of teen parenting of two teens as of July fourth of this year.
My younger two - of which my last is my only girl are six and five, are certainly a challenge as well that I had not experienced with my older two sons. As each day goes on I find it harder and harder to move forward with parenting, but yet manage to do it. I believe completely by the grace God gives a single parent.
But no matter who you are, what you believe, single parenting is one of the most difficult challenges you can face especially when you realize your once pure hearted little ones have turned into imperfect beings. When they turn out to be who you thought they would not be nor you desired them to be and you find the mistakes you have made effected not only your life but their lives indeed and helped to shape their mold.
A few years ago and not too few, one of my largest complaints was that I had all of the responsibilities of a married woman with none of the benefits. Being a devout Christian, I live in celibacy although many times that has been challenged as I am a human being. I overcame and was able to come to a place of contentment in that area, and now that complaint is small potatoes when I see what the fruit can be as I see the good and bad in each child grow hand in hand.
A mirror is what I see in them. A mirror of my past, a mirror of my future and a mirror of my present. I also see they can be shaped no matter how old they are, still shaped into the glorious person that God intended them to be. Just directing them into that arena is where I can be hard pressed.
Today I was reading a book, the first chapter I have read two in a half times over again because I really wanted it to sink in. This chapter focused on how we as parents are teachers and that no matter what we do we are consistently teaching our children how and who to be.
Of course we all know this, but it really didn't sink in the way they put it. We are so focused on teaching them a trade, about education and how to go to college and manage money- those are all well and good, however, on many occasions we fail as parents to teach them who to be.
While all those things teach them to be people of character and integrity, honest and responsible; we do not focus on the daily challenges they face as humans. Our tendency is to focus on their character with money and responsibility issues, but we forget about character of soul.
Who wants to deal with a negative grump or just a plain old mean person? Or how about that person who talks too much on the job and you just wish would shut up? Maybe a cold fish one who never shows any warmth? Or that just rotten nasty person, who only puts themselves first?
I'd like my children to be wise beyond measure and know how to treat others. To be honest and humbly sorry when they make a mistake in that treatment of others. I'd like them to be warm hearted givers, who know how to love on people who have never received love. I'd like to teach them to be developed Christians.
You may not have those same desires, but those are my desires for my children and in having them there is no fault. We all want what we think is best for our children. My challenge is being one parent and keeping them close. Something I have never been very good at because relationships with men, family members and others have not always been ones I could keep close. Sometimes it was just to cover my heart - sometimes I made the mistakes and brought the disappointments and hurts.
It seems as though when you reach out to your children, they pull away as well thinking you don't know what their best interests are. I'm learning daily how to be a better parent, and how to be a better single parent.
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